I woke up early this morning, played a relatively old (neglected) Tori Amos cd, arranged the pillows on my couches, ate a piece of toast slowly, and I read. (It is hard for me to read these days since I have lost my glasses around two months ago.) With no order or reasoning to my browsing, I reread selections from the book Spiritual Literacy, pages that I had marked many years ago, passages that I had thought important, the words I had underlined or highlighted at who knows when. I did this today because today is a special day for me. Today is the day that I celebrate Stefani! Today I relax, and I am thankful for her birth, her life, her friendship. Today I don’t worry about the pressing decision of choosing a family to work with, or that I have completely lost all creative energy with my blurred vision and light headaches lately. Today I don’t feel stressed or tired or mentally war ravaged from my horrible part-time job experience last week at a daycare. Today I am peaceful. Today is the day that I take deep breaths and think about who I am because Stefani.
I think about the girls we were then, how positive and consciously giving and playful. Today I remember to always value picnics, the calming ambiance of burning candles, wildflowers arranged in a mason jars! I remember long unwashed hair, laughter, and lots of books! I vow annually on this day to remain curious, idealistic, and determined to make the world a better place! I smile at the thought of headstands in the morning, cartwheels competitions, and our strong bonds of friendship and sisterhood that also welcomed others into our home. We took in strays, we took in drifters, we took in hungry neighbors, we took in children. I learned years ago, with Stefani, that a house is only a home with it also inspires you, and that “artwork” doesn’t have to be matted or framed, and can be as simply enlightening as a poem scribbled on a napkin and taped to the wall. I found the following passage underlined this morning, probably marked around the same time that we were roommates.
“Playing around is a good and holy thing. Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise. It enables us to express ourselves creatively, to use our intuition and imagination, to savor pleasure and the lightness of being, and to make our humble contribution to the unfinished masterpiece of the world.”
And if there is one person that knows the importance of celebrating her birthday all month like I do, it is Stefani. With her birthday, today begins our month! When we lived closer together, we actually had these really huge and elaborately decorated parties together, sometimes lasting for three weekends straight. With each different group of friends, or siblings, we would suggest charmingly, “Shouldn’t we go celebrate our birthday?” (They really had no choice in the matter.) Back in those days, I am not sure if anyone knew which day each birthday actually fell on, just that March was our month. Special recognition on our actual birthday didn’t matter to us either, although we usually surprised one another the morning of the other one’s birthday with cupcakes or beautiful card that seemed to sum both of us up perfectly with a quote from a favorite author. We shared everything, so of course we were going to share the parties too! We even have the matching Pisces tattoos to claim March permanently as our own and each other as kindred souls!
We also share this really rare story of meeting Tori Amos together. I can’t remember exactly the details leading to the concert or the date, but I am sure the tickets were a gift from one of us. Most likely the tickets were from Stefani, since not only has she consistently been the most thoughtful, but also more responsible with money. After the show we had convinced one of the ushers to take us to Tori’s tour bus. There was a crowd of people already waiting there, people that had actually been to many of her shows and always hung around in hopes of meeting her. I remember a guy, around our age, dressed in white tights, no shirt, and butterfly wings. He was shrilling with excitement and jumping around us, periodically stopping to hug one of us. Stefani and I just waited patiently, smiling and completely satisfied already with the show, not sure if she was even going to come out to greet fans. She did however, and for some reason after casually thanking people for coming to her show, she stopped in front of us. Not many people can say that Tori Amos stopped to hug them and offer them words of wisdom. She said that she could just instantly tell we were best friends. She then advised us about future fights that only Tori had been able to predict at that time, she knew that we would be “shitty and crappy” to one another sometimes, but insisted that when it happened was also the precise moment, without wasting anymore time, that we needed to acknowledge it, forgive each other, and get over it. She had thought that true friendships were very rare and that we needed to always be forgiving and loving and hold on to one another for our entire lifetime, despite distance and time and separate lives. We both stood their emotionally stunned, tears in our eyes, partly because Tori Amos talked to us and partly because her insight that had left us speechless. And like Tori had foreseen years ago, Stefani has always there, past the immature fighting and the miscommunication, that cheerful voice on the other end of the phone whose optimism reminds me to open my curtains, read a book, and hug a child!
Most of the progressive ideals that I still hold onto today can be rooted in those days many years ago. The things that I can say I am most proud of about my character, what I stand for and what I will not tolerate, grew in the nurturing sunlight of her personality. Those days, those seeds many years ago, were nourished by long hours of talking and reading. So much of me, the most positive parts, exist because I of the dialogue and hope we shared. Some days I miss her so much that it hurts. Sometimes I have to turn off music that reminds me of her. It doesn’t feel right to experience something deeply and beautiful without her! I love you Stefani! Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to me!
I think about the girls we were then, how positive and consciously giving and playful. Today I remember to always value picnics, the calming ambiance of burning candles, wildflowers arranged in a mason jars! I remember long unwashed hair, laughter, and lots of books! I vow annually on this day to remain curious, idealistic, and determined to make the world a better place! I smile at the thought of headstands in the morning, cartwheels competitions, and our strong bonds of friendship and sisterhood that also welcomed others into our home. We took in strays, we took in drifters, we took in hungry neighbors, we took in children. I learned years ago, with Stefani, that a house is only a home with it also inspires you, and that “artwork” doesn’t have to be matted or framed, and can be as simply enlightening as a poem scribbled on a napkin and taped to the wall. I found the following passage underlined this morning, probably marked around the same time that we were roommates.
“Playing around is a good and holy thing. Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise. It enables us to express ourselves creatively, to use our intuition and imagination, to savor pleasure and the lightness of being, and to make our humble contribution to the unfinished masterpiece of the world.”
And if there is one person that knows the importance of celebrating her birthday all month like I do, it is Stefani. With her birthday, today begins our month! When we lived closer together, we actually had these really huge and elaborately decorated parties together, sometimes lasting for three weekends straight. With each different group of friends, or siblings, we would suggest charmingly, “Shouldn’t we go celebrate our birthday?” (They really had no choice in the matter.) Back in those days, I am not sure if anyone knew which day each birthday actually fell on, just that March was our month. Special recognition on our actual birthday didn’t matter to us either, although we usually surprised one another the morning of the other one’s birthday with cupcakes or beautiful card that seemed to sum both of us up perfectly with a quote from a favorite author. We shared everything, so of course we were going to share the parties too! We even have the matching Pisces tattoos to claim March permanently as our own and each other as kindred souls!
We also share this really rare story of meeting Tori Amos together. I can’t remember exactly the details leading to the concert or the date, but I am sure the tickets were a gift from one of us. Most likely the tickets were from Stefani, since not only has she consistently been the most thoughtful, but also more responsible with money. After the show we had convinced one of the ushers to take us to Tori’s tour bus. There was a crowd of people already waiting there, people that had actually been to many of her shows and always hung around in hopes of meeting her. I remember a guy, around our age, dressed in white tights, no shirt, and butterfly wings. He was shrilling with excitement and jumping around us, periodically stopping to hug one of us. Stefani and I just waited patiently, smiling and completely satisfied already with the show, not sure if she was even going to come out to greet fans. She did however, and for some reason after casually thanking people for coming to her show, she stopped in front of us. Not many people can say that Tori Amos stopped to hug them and offer them words of wisdom. She said that she could just instantly tell we were best friends. She then advised us about future fights that only Tori had been able to predict at that time, she knew that we would be “shitty and crappy” to one another sometimes, but insisted that when it happened was also the precise moment, without wasting anymore time, that we needed to acknowledge it, forgive each other, and get over it. She had thought that true friendships were very rare and that we needed to always be forgiving and loving and hold on to one another for our entire lifetime, despite distance and time and separate lives. We both stood their emotionally stunned, tears in our eyes, partly because Tori Amos talked to us and partly because her insight that had left us speechless. And like Tori had foreseen years ago, Stefani has always there, past the immature fighting and the miscommunication, that cheerful voice on the other end of the phone whose optimism reminds me to open my curtains, read a book, and hug a child!
Most of the progressive ideals that I still hold onto today can be rooted in those days many years ago. The things that I can say I am most proud of about my character, what I stand for and what I will not tolerate, grew in the nurturing sunlight of her personality. Those days, those seeds many years ago, were nourished by long hours of talking and reading. So much of me, the most positive parts, exist because I of the dialogue and hope we shared. Some days I miss her so much that it hurts. Sometimes I have to turn off music that reminds me of her. It doesn’t feel right to experience something deeply and beautiful without her! I love you Stefani! Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to me!
No comments:
Post a Comment