Renewed Perspective, Thanks kids!

This morning started out rather tense when the four year old that I have been watching was dropped off with more energy than usual. Instead of talking, he sentences were filled with high pitched pseudo-words that eventually led to loud commands directed towards me. This extremely sensitive, inquisitive, and eloquently poetic child had in one hour turned angry and aggressive. I allowed him his space for a moment, offered him a pillow to punch instead of the wild arm windmills, instead letting him kick repeatedly the back of the couch as he climbed over the top. (We would have just ventured outside, but his sister was napping in the other room.) I reminded him that I do not yell at him or ever even discipline him, and insisted that grown-ups don’t like being yelled at either. I told him that I would much rather have a relationship with him where we are friends and have fun together each time we hung out. Then I asked him to join me on the floor. I told him that I really do care that he is so upset, that I want to hear his frustrations, his needs, his thoughts. I told him that it is much easier for adults to hear him when he tells us calmly what he needs. I told him that adults are not perfect and that although we love him very much, it is hard for us also to remain calm to when he is so angry. We talked about all the many possibilities of why he was so upset. “Did you sleep well last night?” “Do you feel okay?” “What did you eat?” He decided for himself that he was angry because his mother did not buy him the plastic toy gun at the grocery store earlier that morning, a toy that his wise mother would like to limit the number of without trying to censor or control a fantasy play that is normal at that age. We talked about how disappointing it feels to not get every thing (and toy) that one wants. We talked about both having sisters and how frustrating it is not to get all of the attention, or on some occasions, none at all. I listened, I nodded, I shared similar stories. I then suggested that we shake of our bad moods and enjoy life together today! With his head hung low he said sharply, “But I am still angry.” I told him that it is perfectly natural to be angry. “Want to talk about it some more?” We both sat there in silence as he stirred in his bad mood. And as quickly as the dark cloud of his terrible day came over him, he jumped up smiling, “Yeah, life is much more fun when you are happy!!”

Thank you kids for reminding me daily to have patience, to be rational, to talk out my frustrations instead of letting them affect my relationships. Thank you children for reminding me to slow down, to communicate clearly, to really carefully listen!! And most importantly, thank you for reminding me that life is so much more beautiful with a smile on my face!!!